I've been a feminist for many years, trying to break the stereotype of a weak woman who's obsessed with fashion and babies. As I further defined my beliefs, I realized that women's freedom is tied to men's own social constrictions, but I didn't quite understand the extent of that. I've come to a point where I don't really find the label of "feminist" (or any other labels for that matter) to reflect my beliefs anymore. After learning how damaging and limiting my perspective used to be, I realized that feminists are also perpetuating gender issues by perceiving the world in a particular way. The real issue isn't necessarily feminists or their approach, but rather the way women generally act and perceive the outside world.
Your perception is key to your individual happiness, health, and your future, but your perception is determined mostly by what you subconsciously believe. If you are a woman who thinks that women are not as powerful as men, you are taking away power from not only yourself, but all women. If you believe that you've got the shorter end of the stick, you're right. If you believe you're the master--not the victim--of your circumstances, then you're right too. Do you tend to believe that you are lacking things? This is a perception that's not necessarily bad, but wouldn't you rather believe that you have everything you need to be healthy and happy? If you truly believed that, your mind would trick yourself into seeing proof all around you, appreciating even the little bit of food you have to eat, regardless of whether or not it's your favorite. The same thing for believing that you are constantly lacking--it's quite easy to see that we are lacking stuff (physical or otherwise), because most of us have that programming in our heads.
This shift in perspective and focus is extremely important because it can change a person's entire life from one extreme to another. I am seeing how feminists are trying to convince other women that they are indeed powerless, their rights are threatened, and they are victims of the world, when women have differing opinions that say otherwise. These feminists don't realize that, though they have the best intentions in their minds, they are essentially bringing other women down to a lower level. They are even giving away huge amounts of power to misogynistic words, but they are only connotations; purely emotional. Words are really only sounds or symbols. Why let a simple word have that much power over you and your position as a woman? The existence and usage of these words don't determine your future, only you do.
One woman asked if I've ever worked in a male-dominated industry, in case I didn't realize how "hard" it is for women. Actually, yes, I have worked in the film and video game industries, in addition to other endeavors that are uncommon and difficult for anyone. I've never once experienced difficulty due to my gender. I could say I've been discriminated against because I'm a woman, but I didn't let it make me feel angry or feel sorry for myself. Some women in the video game industry have let it get to them, but they say it's because they experienced discrimination over and over. Well, I think that they are allowing themselves to be angry and offended in those situations, but they don't need to react in that way. Emotional responses can be altered, allowing a person control over their well-being. In any case, living in a country like the United States guarantees much better treatment and conditions than anywhere else in the world, so I've never really been denied anything because I'm a woman. The only reason I've been denied what I wanted was because of limitations I placed on myself. I realized that it doesn't matter what gender you are; it all boils down to you: your strengths, weaknesses, character, fears, values, dreams, expectations, and especially your perspective (so choose wisely.)
I realize that there are real issues, major ones being genital mutilation for example, or the fact that we statistically get paid less and are sexually objectified, but are we really blameless in a general sense? Aren't there a lot of women who perpetuate stereotypes, equally to blame as the men or industries that perpetuate them? Even women objectify other women's bodies. A pornographic actress, Stoya, says that she had been harassed and mistreated by men way before she turned 18, although respected by people in the porn industry. Is that an excuse or justification for why she sells her sexuality for a living? Does that treatment she suffered through make her a victim? Isn't she an adult, responsible for her actions? Should she be praised for being confident in and supporting herself (assuming she is), or should she be shunned for letting herself be used as a sexual object for men's pleasure? Do you judge people like her based on that career choice? Maybe that career choice shouldn't be looked down upon by anyone, as one woman says that her food service job is more dehumanizing than doing sex work.
Feminists are so concerned about women having self image issues, but they seem to have little concern about men's issues, even though they are probably affecting women in some way. More women than men have self image issues that can turn into eating disorders, but that doesn't mean men don't struggle with their self image too. Their problems manifest differently because they have entirely different expectations and issues they have to deal with, but is it really easier than being a woman? If men have problems with their self image, they feel like less of a man--how many women feel less of a woman? Do we really understand how difficult that would be to deal with? Difficulty is completely relative to each person, as everyone is going through their own personal hell. Everywhere, I see men and women trying to show the other that they don't have it easy. Both sides have very valid points, but it's impossible to say who has it harder. Especially in the western world, where we enjoy numerous protections and rights that other women dream of, so why are women saying it's so hard for us here? Just because women aren't treated exactly the same as men doesn't mean that it's hard being a woman. It's hard living in this world for just about anyone, we all just have different sets of challenges.
One of the things that women need to work on is that they are stereotypically hypocritical, which makes the rest of us look bad. Women always complain that men leave the toilet seat up, but they should take full responsibility for neglecting to look before they sit. Everyone knows the rule "never hit a woman", but why is it okay to hit men? Why are people hesitating to protect a man who is being abused by a woman? There are so many double standards that both women and men hold, which is unfair to all of us. I can think of numerous examples of when both men and women have unfair advantages, or unfair disadvantages. There are many stories about injustices against women and men by men, including women and men by women.
Once a career counselor taught us that a woman should never let an interviewer know she is a mother, even if the interviewer is a woman, because there is a common misconception that mothers can't handle as much stress as a young man.
The media is often blamed for perpetuating the idea that women need to be ultra-thin and covered in make-up to be beautiful, but we can't just blame them for that. Whether or not you like it, money makes the world go 'round, so of course businesses will provide what is demanded. The media makes a lot of money off beauty tips, sex tips, fashion, desserts, and celebrities because women buy that shit up. Attractive people are always pleasant to look at, so why not use them in videos and photos? The media isn't telling people that they're ugly, people are telling themselves that. Additionally, I went to college with people majoring in fashion and advertising; the majority of them were women. If that's what women are interested and skilled in, why shouldn't they pursue those careers? Should they be blamed for expanding the industries that are supposedly to blame for their sisters' self image issues?
This doesn't mean I'm trying to belittle women's issues in the Western world or hurt people's feelings. I consider this article to be "tough love," telling people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. Many people refuse to admit when they're wrong or fail to even acknowledge it, so my intention is to show women, in general, that they are refusing to see that they may be wrong in some instances. They should definitely take responsibility when they are at fault and accept the consequences that come with it. If women are going to lie and screw over men, then they shouldn't be surprised when men don't believe or trust them. This article is really just a reminder for all people to really look at how they are operating their lives, because we all share the same fate.
Both women and men are victims of society, but both are also responsible for the way the world is; everyone shares the blame in some way. Every action or spoken word has brought us to where we are now. Throughout history, yes, men were very dominant and controlling, but women had their own power that allowed them to affect the world around them. To say that they were the weaker sex is taking all their efforts for granted. How many men killed each other over a woman? How many families gained power and wealth through their daughters? Who made the clothes and gave birth to the next generation of men and women that ensured our survival? It may not seem like much, but women still played essential and powerful roles, if you look at it in another light.
I thought of Morgan Freeman, who solved the race issue by insisting that we stop talking about race. Anorexia or bulimia shouldn't be considered a sexism issue. It's a mental health or self image issue, because that's what it is at its root and that's what we have to address. Sexism is a symptom of a much larger issue, something that could be rendered obsolete if we fix the problem at its source. We should all be like Oprah, who said “that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.” Becoming better in every way will render our problems obsolete. If people loved and appreciated themselves unconditionally, they wouldn't have a problem with their self image. What if we all learned to appreciate even the injustices, challenges, and suffering, because that's what makes us human? Things are never going to be perfect, but we may as well enjoy the ride.
My husband and I learned a lot about the world by looking inside ourselves: we realized we're polar opposites in many ways. We realized how there are polar opposites within each of us, how everything has a cycle or pattern, going back and forth between these extremes. Everything, and I mean everything in this world, is a huge complex dynamic of polar opposites that simply cannot exist without one another. There cannot be happiness without suffering, dark without light, or more rights for one group without taking away the rights of another. The sexism issues between men and women are the amplified conflicts between individual men and women, which is only one dynamic at play here. I think the most important thing we should address are the internal conflicts within every person; the emotional baggage or "bad programming" that makes us act the way we do, the real cause of suffering, period.
Marriage taught me that I interpret a person's facial expressions or words completely based on my emotions. Nobody "makes" me angry or upset. It was always me. My husband said that anything would set me off, there was nothing he could do to prevent me from misinterpreting his reactions. Of course, in my eyes, he said something in a way that made me upset. It truly didn't matter what he said or how he said it, I'd subconsciously find a strong emotional response (the "bad programming") that I learned somewhere along the way, which often didn't make any logical sense whatsoever. These emotional outbursts and negative thinking made life difficult for me in many ways. After a lot of effort, I finally came to the point where I would recognize when I'm on the downward spiral towards emotional hell, so now I can avoid it almost altogether. I know there are women out there who have the same issue because that's what men describe as "crazy", and men half-jokingly say that all women are crazy.
Fellow ladies, I say this because you need to hear it, especially because it can make everyone's life a little easier: women, in general, are too emotional. Too much emotion can be very bad, as well as too little emotion (men, I'm looking at you.) Emotions are important parts of our lives that we must take into consideration of course, but emotions can limit or harm yourself and others, depending on the emotion and the circumstance. Being mindful of this can help balance an individual.
So all in all, everyone is focusing too much on the problems that I think are only symptoms of greater, deeper problems. The outside world is merely a reflection of what's inside each of us. Until each individual becomes balanced, the world simply cannot come close to perfection. A perfect harmony between men and women will require new definitions of what it is to be a man or woman, along with the celebration of the strengths and weaknesses of both. Our gender roles are changing but the expectations of society are lagging behind, which makes it harder for everyone. I think our gender roles were rigidly defined because it was necessary for our survival at one point, but now we are at a crossroads. These gender roles are becoming increasingly irrelevant as our technology improves, yet even the most progressive-thinking people are still holding onto some of them. Whatever we decide, I think it will eventually settle into a much more androgynous and harmonious society.
Your perception is key to your individual happiness, health, and your future, but your perception is determined mostly by what you subconsciously believe. If you are a woman who thinks that women are not as powerful as men, you are taking away power from not only yourself, but all women. If you believe that you've got the shorter end of the stick, you're right. If you believe you're the master--not the victim--of your circumstances, then you're right too. Do you tend to believe that you are lacking things? This is a perception that's not necessarily bad, but wouldn't you rather believe that you have everything you need to be healthy and happy? If you truly believed that, your mind would trick yourself into seeing proof all around you, appreciating even the little bit of food you have to eat, regardless of whether or not it's your favorite. The same thing for believing that you are constantly lacking--it's quite easy to see that we are lacking stuff (physical or otherwise), because most of us have that programming in our heads.
This shift in perspective and focus is extremely important because it can change a person's entire life from one extreme to another. I am seeing how feminists are trying to convince other women that they are indeed powerless, their rights are threatened, and they are victims of the world, when women have differing opinions that say otherwise. These feminists don't realize that, though they have the best intentions in their minds, they are essentially bringing other women down to a lower level. They are even giving away huge amounts of power to misogynistic words, but they are only connotations; purely emotional. Words are really only sounds or symbols. Why let a simple word have that much power over you and your position as a woman? The existence and usage of these words don't determine your future, only you do.
One woman asked if I've ever worked in a male-dominated industry, in case I didn't realize how "hard" it is for women. Actually, yes, I have worked in the film and video game industries, in addition to other endeavors that are uncommon and difficult for anyone. I've never once experienced difficulty due to my gender. I could say I've been discriminated against because I'm a woman, but I didn't let it make me feel angry or feel sorry for myself. Some women in the video game industry have let it get to them, but they say it's because they experienced discrimination over and over. Well, I think that they are allowing themselves to be angry and offended in those situations, but they don't need to react in that way. Emotional responses can be altered, allowing a person control over their well-being. In any case, living in a country like the United States guarantees much better treatment and conditions than anywhere else in the world, so I've never really been denied anything because I'm a woman. The only reason I've been denied what I wanted was because of limitations I placed on myself. I realized that it doesn't matter what gender you are; it all boils down to you: your strengths, weaknesses, character, fears, values, dreams, expectations, and especially your perspective (so choose wisely.)
I realize that there are real issues, major ones being genital mutilation for example, or the fact that we statistically get paid less and are sexually objectified, but are we really blameless in a general sense? Aren't there a lot of women who perpetuate stereotypes, equally to blame as the men or industries that perpetuate them? Even women objectify other women's bodies. A pornographic actress, Stoya, says that she had been harassed and mistreated by men way before she turned 18, although respected by people in the porn industry. Is that an excuse or justification for why she sells her sexuality for a living? Does that treatment she suffered through make her a victim? Isn't she an adult, responsible for her actions? Should she be praised for being confident in and supporting herself (assuming she is), or should she be shunned for letting herself be used as a sexual object for men's pleasure? Do you judge people like her based on that career choice? Maybe that career choice shouldn't be looked down upon by anyone, as one woman says that her food service job is more dehumanizing than doing sex work.
Feminists are so concerned about women having self image issues, but they seem to have little concern about men's issues, even though they are probably affecting women in some way. More women than men have self image issues that can turn into eating disorders, but that doesn't mean men don't struggle with their self image too. Their problems manifest differently because they have entirely different expectations and issues they have to deal with, but is it really easier than being a woman? If men have problems with their self image, they feel like less of a man--how many women feel less of a woman? Do we really understand how difficult that would be to deal with? Difficulty is completely relative to each person, as everyone is going through their own personal hell. Everywhere, I see men and women trying to show the other that they don't have it easy. Both sides have very valid points, but it's impossible to say who has it harder. Especially in the western world, where we enjoy numerous protections and rights that other women dream of, so why are women saying it's so hard for us here? Just because women aren't treated exactly the same as men doesn't mean that it's hard being a woman. It's hard living in this world for just about anyone, we all just have different sets of challenges.
One of the things that women need to work on is that they are stereotypically hypocritical, which makes the rest of us look bad. Women always complain that men leave the toilet seat up, but they should take full responsibility for neglecting to look before they sit. Everyone knows the rule "never hit a woman", but why is it okay to hit men? Why are people hesitating to protect a man who is being abused by a woman? There are so many double standards that both women and men hold, which is unfair to all of us. I can think of numerous examples of when both men and women have unfair advantages, or unfair disadvantages. There are many stories about injustices against women and men by men, including women and men by women.
Once a career counselor taught us that a woman should never let an interviewer know she is a mother, even if the interviewer is a woman, because there is a common misconception that mothers can't handle as much stress as a young man.
The media is often blamed for perpetuating the idea that women need to be ultra-thin and covered in make-up to be beautiful, but we can't just blame them for that. Whether or not you like it, money makes the world go 'round, so of course businesses will provide what is demanded. The media makes a lot of money off beauty tips, sex tips, fashion, desserts, and celebrities because women buy that shit up. Attractive people are always pleasant to look at, so why not use them in videos and photos? The media isn't telling people that they're ugly, people are telling themselves that. Additionally, I went to college with people majoring in fashion and advertising; the majority of them were women. If that's what women are interested and skilled in, why shouldn't they pursue those careers? Should they be blamed for expanding the industries that are supposedly to blame for their sisters' self image issues?
This doesn't mean I'm trying to belittle women's issues in the Western world or hurt people's feelings. I consider this article to be "tough love," telling people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. Many people refuse to admit when they're wrong or fail to even acknowledge it, so my intention is to show women, in general, that they are refusing to see that they may be wrong in some instances. They should definitely take responsibility when they are at fault and accept the consequences that come with it. If women are going to lie and screw over men, then they shouldn't be surprised when men don't believe or trust them. This article is really just a reminder for all people to really look at how they are operating their lives, because we all share the same fate.
Both women and men are victims of society, but both are also responsible for the way the world is; everyone shares the blame in some way. Every action or spoken word has brought us to where we are now. Throughout history, yes, men were very dominant and controlling, but women had their own power that allowed them to affect the world around them. To say that they were the weaker sex is taking all their efforts for granted. How many men killed each other over a woman? How many families gained power and wealth through their daughters? Who made the clothes and gave birth to the next generation of men and women that ensured our survival? It may not seem like much, but women still played essential and powerful roles, if you look at it in another light.
I thought of Morgan Freeman, who solved the race issue by insisting that we stop talking about race. Anorexia or bulimia shouldn't be considered a sexism issue. It's a mental health or self image issue, because that's what it is at its root and that's what we have to address. Sexism is a symptom of a much larger issue, something that could be rendered obsolete if we fix the problem at its source. We should all be like Oprah, who said “that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.” Becoming better in every way will render our problems obsolete. If people loved and appreciated themselves unconditionally, they wouldn't have a problem with their self image. What if we all learned to appreciate even the injustices, challenges, and suffering, because that's what makes us human? Things are never going to be perfect, but we may as well enjoy the ride.
My husband and I learned a lot about the world by looking inside ourselves: we realized we're polar opposites in many ways. We realized how there are polar opposites within each of us, how everything has a cycle or pattern, going back and forth between these extremes. Everything, and I mean everything in this world, is a huge complex dynamic of polar opposites that simply cannot exist without one another. There cannot be happiness without suffering, dark without light, or more rights for one group without taking away the rights of another. The sexism issues between men and women are the amplified conflicts between individual men and women, which is only one dynamic at play here. I think the most important thing we should address are the internal conflicts within every person; the emotional baggage or "bad programming" that makes us act the way we do, the real cause of suffering, period.
Marriage taught me that I interpret a person's facial expressions or words completely based on my emotions. Nobody "makes" me angry or upset. It was always me. My husband said that anything would set me off, there was nothing he could do to prevent me from misinterpreting his reactions. Of course, in my eyes, he said something in a way that made me upset. It truly didn't matter what he said or how he said it, I'd subconsciously find a strong emotional response (the "bad programming") that I learned somewhere along the way, which often didn't make any logical sense whatsoever. These emotional outbursts and negative thinking made life difficult for me in many ways. After a lot of effort, I finally came to the point where I would recognize when I'm on the downward spiral towards emotional hell, so now I can avoid it almost altogether. I know there are women out there who have the same issue because that's what men describe as "crazy", and men half-jokingly say that all women are crazy.
Fellow ladies, I say this because you need to hear it, especially because it can make everyone's life a little easier: women, in general, are too emotional. Too much emotion can be very bad, as well as too little emotion (men, I'm looking at you.) Emotions are important parts of our lives that we must take into consideration of course, but emotions can limit or harm yourself and others, depending on the emotion and the circumstance. Being mindful of this can help balance an individual.
So all in all, everyone is focusing too much on the problems that I think are only symptoms of greater, deeper problems. The outside world is merely a reflection of what's inside each of us. Until each individual becomes balanced, the world simply cannot come close to perfection. A perfect harmony between men and women will require new definitions of what it is to be a man or woman, along with the celebration of the strengths and weaknesses of both. Our gender roles are changing but the expectations of society are lagging behind, which makes it harder for everyone. I think our gender roles were rigidly defined because it was necessary for our survival at one point, but now we are at a crossroads. These gender roles are becoming increasingly irrelevant as our technology improves, yet even the most progressive-thinking people are still holding onto some of them. Whatever we decide, I think it will eventually settle into a much more androgynous and harmonious society.
1 comment:
Wow Kristine, this was really really good. You have such a way with words, it really got me to thinking.
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